I have a truly nasty habit, I let the pitch go by. It’s a baseball metaphor I know but, you get it. I am the girl usually perched on the sidelines, somewhere in the bleachers, observing as life sails right by.
Last August, my aunt died after a nearly 5 year battle with breast, bone and liver cancer. She was in her mid 50’s, a relatively young age. One minute she was visiting her daughter in Alicante or running the world from her kitchen table, and the next, she was bed ridden, still trying to rule the world, though with slightly less vigor. I watched her fight, day after day. Defiantly she spat in the face of her disease. She was neither to be lectured at nor dictated to. She would live on her own terms; she would not just go gently into the night – she would rage against the dying of the light. Her transition was on her own terms. She said her goodbyes; a peaceful smile kissed her lips and she gone. Because that is the nature of life. Whisps of a transient reality spread gossamer coils around us, till at the last, they slip beyond our reach and we are… no more.
When 2011 finally pierced through the galaxy’s thick sojourn of time and space, to dethrone the mind numbing reality of last year, I was relieved. So much so, I decided to head out for New Years Eve. I rang in the year with great friends, good music, amazing food [catered by @ikezilda ] and even better wine. Just what I needed because, wine is exactly the thing one needs at times like these. I have often found that what works best to put my life in perspective is cloudiness. And because I don’t smoke, the gentle buzz of a good Cabernet would do nicely. You know what I am talking about. Red wine has a liberating effect, I find, on the human psyche, well on mine at any rate. This particular buzz seems to make you think you are a foot smarter than anyone else around. Something about holding the potent red, its crimson valor swirling in its delicate blown chalice, suddenly you feel like quoting Frost and Milton. The liquid slides down your throat, loosens your tongue and, in mere sips, you transform from observer to philosopher with; bold and equal strides.
By the time I got home on January 1st, a few things were suddenly very clear to me. Primary among them, I was — years old and had never skinny dipped in my life. Had I perished on that fateful night, my soul would be doomed to an eternity someplace, always with the knowledge that I had never swam in a pool, river, lake or sea naked. Well this was something I could immediately rectify. I re-routed myself around the side of the house stripped down, skin bare and, dove into the pool. There I was under the moon, the stars and the sky, gloriously untethered, naked as the day I was born -and loving it.
A few laps in the cool night air, in that gentle twilight state between drunkenness and sobriety I made a command decision: From that moment on I needed to be front row centre of my life. Better still, I needed to be in the game, tending bruised knees, elbows and hearts. If I wanted my company to be a success. I needed to really put my back into it, producing my own shows, not the all be it well articulated dreams of other people. If I wanted to see the world, then I would need to get on a plane [I haven’t in quite sometime, tremendous fear of flying, been told however 2 sleeping pills and a shot of whiskey should do the trick]. The plan is to live each day as if it were the last, focusing on my future, while sailing on the seas of today. For the meandering path sometimes leads you to your true destination.
They have a proverb in India “You can never swim in the same river twice”. You see life, like the stream is always evolving, ever changing, replenished with water from the melting snow. I think it’s time to jump!